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"About evening a man is known."

Irish proverb

 

 

"Nec pistoris nomen erat, nisi eius qui ruri far pinsebat." Nor did the noun pistor (a crusher) exist, except for the man who ground corn in the country.

 Varro

 

Why did the chickens cross the road?

 

One Friday evening, Isaac Newton walks in to a bar, and the bartender says, "what do you like?"

Newton says, "I'll have an Apple Sidecar." Bartender says okay.

A little leprechaun, smoking his pipe, enjoying an Irish coffee, recognizes him and asks, "hey, Isaac, why did the chickens cross the road"?

Newton says, "of course, chickens at rest tend to stay at rest, and chickens in motion tend to stay in motion."

The leprechaun chuckles and says, "okay, and whether they are at rest or in motion, they tend to remain chickens too? So why is that? Is it the chicken or the egg?"

Newton says, "well, of course, it's the gravity of their situation."

The leprechaun enjoyed this answer but was not that satisfied with Newton's theory, and asked, "if the gravity of their situation is 'when' they are chickens, 'when' they are being chickens too, what is 'gravity' like then, the chickens and their eggs? or is 'gravity' a supreme genus like 'when' ?"

Newton looked at him quizzically.

"Ens inquantum ens, is the 'gravity' of chickens more like chickens or like 'when'? After all, there can be gravity without chickens, but there cannot be gravity without any some kind of when, quo tempore, as it would be."

Newton answered, quoting his famous book the "Principia", p.443, saying, "to us it is enough that gravity does really exist, and act according to the laws which we have explained, and abundantly serves to account for all the motions of the celestial bodies, and of our seas."-1

"I read your book", answered the leprechaun, "and to tell you the truth, it seems you would deprive facts for the trouble of finding them. I think you took a leap of faith in the wrong direction, and fell out of one of Porphyry's trees. You're quite into the roads of metaphysics for comparisons, not only natural empirical science, and your notion of absolute space -- where you say absolute and mean infinite -- is wrong for directions."

Newton was taking his drink, and the leprechaun continued in his friendly manner, "the order of the cosmos is not so much a priority in size, not so much as in the quality of the aspects. A dodecahedron the size of Texas is a dodecahedron, as well as another the size of a sand pebble, and the force of gravity cannot be universal without making everything heavy.

If gravity were universal, it would leave nothing light. Everything would become too heavy, and that would be the crushing end of it."

"You know that Zeus became an ant to give rise to the Myrmidons of ancient Greece, the Achaean host of Achilles' crew, but I don't know who did what to give rise to the likes of you," said Newton.

"Well, I don't mean to bug you, certainly", answered the leprechaun, "but it's in the treatment of trifles that a man shows how well he is, and I must say, rather, there are innumerable neutral gravity zones all over the place. I see it all the time: even between Zeus and the ants. And there also is a very powerful and extensive one between Earth and the Moon: therefore, the Moon does not affect the Earth's tides. Not an army of ants either."

"Marvelous, right on" said Newton. "With wonder the student of nature regards the microscopic molecule of nervous substance which is the seat of the hurried and laborious soul of the ant." Then Newton asked the leprechaun, "what do you call a one hundred year old ant"?

"I don't know" he says.

"An antique".

Only the bartender laughed, but the leprechaun thought about it and said, "well, as old as that one may be, gravity's not universal and not necessarily mutual by degrees of the inverse squared. In fact, the Moon goes around the Earth for its own reasons. It's nothing to do with Earth's gravity: the gods to each assign a differing lot, some enter at the portal, some do not."-2

Part II Horologium
 
 
The next day Newton was visiting the mall, looking at expensive watches in a little jewelry store across from the food court. The leprechaun from the day before happened to be nearby, making the rounds of the food court, tasting free samples from the restaurant vendors, when he spyed Sir Isaac through the Rolex glass.
 
A later while he was biding his time with a medium Orange Julius by the "Crepes Shack", smoking an electronic cigarette, with nothing much else to do as Newton absent mindedly wandered his way. 
 
When Newton spotted him, almost walking into him, the leprechaun asked "did you see anything you liked?"
 
"Oh, yes. A great selection", answered Newton, "fine watches."
 
 
"Like time and space, you know, mechanical clocks are in motion in stereo, and illustrate that rational categories and details sort  themselves out according to simplicity and kind."
 
"Oh, no", clucked Newton, "is this another joke"?
 
Bowing slightly, the curious elf of diminution showed him his "Quinotaur" style sport watch. "Check it out", he said, smiling and winking. "This baby's atomic. It's from over the rainbow." 
 
"Well prized, I'm sure" said Newton. 
 
"Looking at the three hands of a ticking clock, when the hands of the clock go 'round, and the clock strikes one, 30” is 30”, wherever any one goes, of course, and at that time the three hands of the clock will always look the same: a universal sign that it's one."
 
"Indeed, what chance it is 1 o'clock", said Newton, looking at the leprechaun's watch and then the big mall clock, high over the food court. "Another matter of circumstance".
 
"When the hands have gone 'round, more time slips by, and the clock strikes nine. 90” is 90”, and the three hands at that hour always look the same ... 90 degrees, and it must be nine or three."
 
Newton looked at him, then answered, "y-e-s" with a sigh, and asked "what do you want", without really noticing what he had said.
 
"People see that clocks of whatever size show the same signs in hours, minutes, and seconds of degree, when synchronized within the same time zone, even to the moment, because of universal nature in the qualities of motion. From one clock to another, from biggest to smallest, each kind of hand ... minute, seconds, or hour ... turns in the type and quality of its motion, all the way around, all along the length, ticking off motive ranks in a uniform way, conforming to origin and category, because motion is not only a dream but an ontological character of things that are specifically real.
 
From the simple way in these marks, all clocks whatever radius show the same range of movements within their three different kinds. Thus, we see powers of similarity and likeness are in the aspects and properties first, across all magnitudes, the arc not only the size. 'Qualitas si refert potius quam quantitas'.-3 It's the same with the cosmos: quality before quantity."
 
"Ha, forgotten arguments from stone age Greece. You'd fool me for a lecture about old style geometry and the cosmos"? asked Newton. 
 
 
"Only in a small way, not to grieve you. For example, there's a golf instructor obsessed with clocks, using them as images to illustrate points about the swing." He made an imaginary pitch shot at the Mall clock, and watched it go like a pro. It looked like it hit the clock then disappeared.
 
"He says things like, 'if a leprechaun or a giant, or one of the little borrowers from the kitchen cabinets hits a hook, it's all the same: a matter of bad timing, wrong alignment ... over the top's over the top, and for the reverse pivot and worst things seen, gravity's never an excuse.' "
 
"Not golf, please no. No, no. A good walk spoiled, a pain in so many ways more than one. Have you read again my book, 'The Principia', and still not grasped the science of gravity?"
 
 
"Once of that was enough for me. Such alchemy as occult action-at-a-distance is no proper radial force. Besides a slingshot is no fair comparison with motions of the Moon and Heavens around Earth. 'Gravity', as you call it, simply cannot explain celestial rotations.
 
As there's no rotary connection up there from here, as above so below strictly by lines of comparison. Poetry of the stars may be fair by math and direction, but celestial motions in their spheres are of another order and separate from pedestrian."
 
The dust in his old work boot strings seemed to come alive as he moved his feet. "I've seen the ends of many rainbows, and it's a different sort of walk up there from here."
 
"Oh, really, you little bounder, Leprechauns should be so easy to trust?"   
 
"Well, those places are beyond such mechanistic links as mortal ropes and knots, whatever string theories, pulleys, or push carts Copernican gravitation has been able to devise."
 
"Have I gone too far then, outside of my sphere? According to one such as you? Maybe for you, but not for me: cf. Galileo and Kepler. cf. cf. Please do. We are what we pretend to be. As well as what we pretend we are we are."
 
Newton laughed for a moment then began to sing a pop song. He enjoyed singing, and gestured an arm to the sky. "Mm, I believe I can fly. I believe I can touch the sky. If I can see it, then I can do it. If I just spread my wings, I can fly, fly away, high, bye bye. Hmm, mm, fly high, high away like a robin up into the sky."
 
"Well", piped the leprechaun, "maybe the apple did not hit you on the head hard enough? You confuse separate species of motion."
 
Newton continued to sing, "I think about it every night and day. Spread my wings and fly away. Ooh, I can fly. Hmm, fly, fly, fly."
 
Then he spoke to the little odd man in green. "Vade ad formicam, you ponied sprite. As you go, even in your kind, you may still be the half-wit end of it. Have you read not read my book again and still not grasped the science of gravity? You should read it another time until you better understand. Maybe hire a tutor from NASA, eh? You know they say they've landed on the Moon and Mars, and fly by Pluto, and they always bring me."
 
 
Looking at him dryly, the leprechaun said, "when a radial velocity's of unitary origin, it's whatever speed -- radius-cubitus per instance -- all along the way, fast, slow, or medium, conformably all at once. And radial velocity between a wheel and a sphere is a distinction without a difference.
 
The world of clocks and gears, wheels of motion, adds constantly to the proof that motion is real, a specific quality: a genus en realis, distributed in many simple kinds: from slowest to medium to fastest. The typology in it represents a range full of detectable aspects, a detectability fundamentally contradicting Galileo and the sophomoric idea of the undetectable, so-called unaccelerated, rotation of the Earth."
 
The sunlight was shining through clouds, in the windowed ceiling of the gallery. Newton looked down at him closely, and said with a touch more of dryness, "you know, this is not the end of the rainbow, this is the Mall, and I do not have all day for idle conversation with a leprechaun."
 
"Yet only a moment and little time for a man who can fly. A clock the size of Canada, another the size of Liechtenstein, and a third for a little child’s hand all work at the same rates. Miraculum orbis universali, of course, no matter the size, stopped clocks always have the right time at least two times a day, worldwide.
 
Like the celestial degrees, minutes, and seconds of arc around the globe, and out into space, the hours, minutes, and seconds of clocks on the wall are in stereo."
 
Newton scratched his head. He rubbed his chin, bit the end of his tongue, pulled his ears, and rubbed his eyes. "Could I be hallucinating"? he wondered, then looking at his hands. "Is this an apparition from too much mercury"? He thought he heard another voice say, "quam quod ridiculus hic esse," and looking around to see from where, saw only the leprechaun.
 
"Am I hearing things?" he asked aloud.
 
"In stereo, not meaning loud or anything to do with HBO, but from the Greek 'stereos', meaning 'solid' or 'complete', which means this is not an illusion. It's real and in common."
 
"You ponied sprite, an apparition of madness."
 
"No, no," answered the leprechaun, smiling and winking up at him in his eldritch way. "Aeque pars, ligni curvi ac recti, valet igni."
 
"Oh, achingly pitiable, allumez le feu", retorted Newton snobbishly. "Even dwarfs and the inane would start so small as a little spark of vanity. Vanitas vanitatum, must it always be so?"
 
"Sometimes there arises that feeling of angst, on the nail or dot, an anguish in chemical perdition," continued the leprechaun, "from alchemy or boredom, perhaps the strangeness of secret society evolution, spirits and a haunting not just for you. See these people" he said, pointing to the crowd with a nod. "Many here are as remotely configured and inclined at the food court as they are at home or on TV: even a mumbling roar against reality."
 
He bowed the head and took off his hat. "Pauper sum", he declared, hat over heart, tiny bells ringing. "Pateor, fateor, quod Dii dant fero"(4), but our conversation is not psychosis from alchemy, or your poison mercury. Not even if you smoked a Rubik's cube.
 
As you know, the math of the cosmos is logic universal, yet not from priority of size, not from quantity over quality. Substance is quality first, of course, as even 'in the embers of all things their primordial form exists'.
 
Not from hugeness of big numbers anything categorical makes sense. Logic is essential in the qualities and points. The elements from the beginning, in the first step before multiplication in properties and relations, are at work in the quality over the quantity. The incredible hugeness of big numbers doesn't make anything logical or valid in truth. 
 
Certainly not adverbs, where, for instance, the first what of the sun is not how big, but the simple essential operation: like sunshine where and the way it falls around the Earth. If it were twice the size and the orbit the same circle, it would still be in sequence around the Earth."
 
"Delightfully appropriate" laughed Newton uncomfortably. "The sun, O the sun, everywhere bright to see, hot as one size fits all, but the rain everywhere dark and cold. Let's hope for Sunny days then as well as so much money as it could take for all gifts". 
 
"If there's a reason for understanding sunbeams and the nature of time and space," countered the Leprechaun, "it's not from priority of incredible size and gigantic numbers, spread over vast astronomical distances, but first the priority of angles and aspects objectively, like essential properties of parallel and actual perspective. The cosmos is not a blob or a heap, of course not. No, no. Not so, more like a diamond." 
 
Newton became distracted, as if for a spell, not thinking what he could be saying, and it seemed strange that sometimes there appeared little sparkles reflected in the leprechaun's beard. Eyeing the peculiar little crystallized lights, he said, "that could be, as you live in your own little world for free, if science were as easy as elvish lectures."
 
Qui cantat audit, the singing voice understands, and he felt suddenly like a karaoke freestyle, like it never rains in Southern California, but was almost too loud. "O the merrry metals and carbon like ice. Money, money, money, and diamonds in the rough. Kaleidoscope weather's so nice precise nice in Southern California, or whatever it was". He abruptly stopped his tune. "Hooly Boo incantations," he concluded. "Are those diamonds in your beard"?
 
 
"Numbers themselves represent not only quantity but quality, and are finite, of course. As much as the way we know the names and values, if one said, they 'are the universal language offered by the Deity to humans', maybe so, and they count also with location. From place and value, to place and time, and as many places and times as there are, no congregation of fools adds to infinity, 'consequently, neither will an infinite multitude exist.'
 
That way the cosmos is finite, spherical too, and the only one that it is in total by all parts, being such as it is in complete occurrence: a thing that can be subsumed in time only in unique numbers, if very long arrow codes, still one at a time. For any given hour and day, as all the while goes by, all the time's around the earth at once, where events are fulfilled in circular patterns, and the Earth is a universal atomic clock in the middle of all that code."
 
"What a species count and fantastic piece of space it is", remarked Newton.
 
"Yes, and the greatest length must have a midpoint, which must also be toward the center, since there is no length greater in any direction, and that center happens to be the Earth."
 
"Oh, yea," said Newton, "the rain in Spain stays mainly on the plain".
 
"Every plurality's unique, and natural motion cannot take place in an instant. Rather the instance is always between instants, even where aspects represented in time are universal, and formally can characterize motion as closely to an instant as possible. If someone said he had the fastest fastest arrow, with which to tell the passing universal atomic clock time of Earth, and of the cosmos, in half a half a half a second sooner than the best available time up 'til then, in the fastest fraction, it could be possible. But if he got better and better at it, whittling the half a half a half a seconds down to quarters of those, and then littler and littler fractions of a moment, even in eighths of eighhts at the end, he would very soon be left with only another instance of an aspect of the clock on the wall.
 
 
That's what's happening with nanoseconds, one billionth of a second, like 10 to negative 9; and attoseconds, one billionth of a billionth of a second, like 10 to negative 18.
 
The greatest efficiencies of speedy divison always end in another boundary set from the formal circle of degrees. From any clock, and the days under Heavens in motion from up above, nanoseconds increased by nanoseconds end in an aspect, and a degree, bounded out of one of 360 in 3-D. That's only what they're aiming at to begin with.
 

Even if it seemed the time of movement could be continually diminished yet there is no minumum other than the aspect. In other words, there's a permanent sort of mathematical density hidden within logic, to delineate even in the sublime, such that there's always already a type of situation density in the aspects or motions, and of any figures within a circle.

 
And everything can fit in a circle. One form by all parts, as much as anything in the efficiency of a sphere. The Germans would call it necessity. One said, 'we must admit that there is a kind of circle from which it seems there is no escape'."-5 
 
"Yes, it would all be so well accounted for, everything is as it is and some what kind. Infinity just behind the clock or outside the door", answered Newton.
 
"The figure of time as well as the cosmos is in the round seal of the aspects", answered the leprechaun.
 
 
"What odd vanity this is becoming. Is this not insane? How big is an ultimate circle indeed? And what should it be? People will think I'm crazy! It must be the mercury," Newton replied, looking again at his hands.
 
"A divine proportion comes from three and what what kind," said the elf, "and as x^2 + y^2 = 1, there must be a center, as much as there must be one in the middle. Every aspect has its angle, with axis and center, and as every to all, and all to one, all things must have a center, even the extremes, since the center must exist".
 
He skipped a jig and made a magic throw for lucky charms. His hands made the splash. "Throw a stone into a river, and the circles that propagate themselves are the beautiful type of all influence.-6 Domus parva quies magna. That way," he said, spreading his hands out and away in even calm planes, then back again in circles. He could have been a midget Burt Lancaster for a moment waxing the hood of a car. "Domus parva quies magna."
 
 
"We should prefer things in measure to things in excess, but how have I seen you twice in these two days?"
 
"There's no reason to feel strange about that. Mere coincidence, perhaps with a little curiosity. It follows us both and others too almost everywhere. There must be ontology, and predicables, of course."
 
"Predicables," thought Newton out loud. With his right index finger in some pointy tension on his lip, he was looking at the leprechaun again.
 
"Predicables," affirmed the wee one.
 
"What's your name then"? asked Newton.
 
"Empidonax".
 
"Empidonax? I'd have thought more like Elvis or Stockfish. Are you not following me?"
 
"Don't be paranoid. What plays in Vegas, stays in Vegas but if you're lost, this is to say, like an elephant in a bird cage, the size of the cosmos does not have priority over the quality of aspects, and three prime aspects of its character overall are 1.) the Earth's not moving 2.) the natural order of the universe is finite 3.) the earth's the only one in between every constellation of the ecliptic and all the stars and ends of Heaven all the time."
 
Newton thought he had déjà vu and could see Elvis again faintly through the windows and cubby walls at Graceland. "Have I not seen you before?" he asked, "before so lately?"
 
 
"Who would remember?" he said, and "how does anybody say that the cosmos is bigger than the elements, and that the elements in their turn are necessarily so huge to be what they are? Atoms are gigantic? They are not. Atoms are so tiny. They're as miniscule as the littlest math particles.
 
How could anybody say that the cosmos is bigger than the table of elements of which it's composed? Harmony or any other compostion cannot be in a state other than the elements out of which it arises. And the entire wheel of the cosmos is inescapably elemental, so how could it have extension beyond the elements, that are the very aspects of its code?
 
How would anybody say that the elements are the elements according to anything other than their type and quality? Yet who would imagine that the elements in total extension are not as big for a sum as the cosmos?
 
Therefore, the property of the cosmos is essentially small, in the way that it is enough room for a notebook and some thoughts. In fact, about 85% less than Copernicanism, as finite for distinctions as a bushel of mustard seed, the priority has already been set in the seal of it, the point not the size. It's quality, shape, and proportion over quantity, since it's only composed of elements, and the elements are not big." 
 
"Yet sometimes they may be overstrained to the ends", said Newton. "If you and the elements could buy a kingdom only for a shetland pony, not a horse, how wonderful it would be." 
 
 
"Small favors hear me roar".
 
"Eldritch-of-the-Way, that would be perfect for you. You haven't lost your pot of gold from too much rambling have you?" Newton asked.
 
An almost bizarre growl came strangely emanating from the leprechaun's throat. "No," he said, "accidents and ways home are many, but it should be just where I left it, far away in another place. Nobody from NASA will find it there."
 
Newton looked away and cupped his ear. "Do I hear the bleatings of an idiot as the little voice of many waters in the fountain at the mall?"
 
The leprechaun could not help grinning, "and would it be that gold is gold, only when more than a particle? Any aspect, however vanishing, in gold is gold, even if by the slightest modicum.
 
A collection of aspects in a diamond are the same no matter the size, as with logical priority the cosmos is in quality of value before extension. As they say over the rainbow at Christmas, a dodecahedron the size of Texas is a dodecahedron, as well as another the size of a sand pebble.
 
The celestial gods used it to arrange the constellations, where a given type of angle is the same in space for a point, no matter extent. A given type of figure is the same detail of proportions, no matter the scale for the specific combination. The combination to a code is the same like a crystal seal of aspects." 
 
"No matter your strange lengths of concealment, I can see now that once upon a time you must have been a toy shop engineer, downsized by too little redundancy in the markets". 
 
"Maybe that was it, close enough for government work, but Season's Greetings".
 
"Yet scaled model-craft secrets go with you still, oh, ha, ha, ha, scala leprechaunorum. Sometimes such long lines at the post office too, over the holidays, and you the picture of a stamp. Splendid dreams to see how you survive at the mall every Christmas."
 
 
 
Even though there was nothing that funny, other than a strange feeling of confusion, Newton laughed himself out of his mind, oddly, for a moment, and stumbled back into the "Crepes Shack" cart. He thought he heard a cell phone ringing, not his.
 
"Pigmy Sprite, it must be your phone, who's calling now?"
 
"That's not mine, but don't knock the cart over. And you know what they say about furniture?" he asked.
 
"What"? managed Newton, who seemed to have lost his teeth.
 
"That no matter how big and expensive it gets, or small the people who use it, it's all always for situations only in 3-D."
 
 
"The cavernous midget of letters with keys to the abyss. For a lost chair of philosophy where did you go to school, illiterate Ireland in the middle ages? All this to tell me Aristotle would be a father to leprechauns, and the sun orbits the earth?
 
When will ye go back to your little desk at the North pole"?
 
The leprechaun looked wryly amused, and it was almost a shock at that point of discussion to see the way he gave Sir Isaac the straight-up middle finger. The bird all the way from Saturn and the Oakland Raiders, but there it was, such an ugly gesture, as though a doctor could prick it to draw blood.
 
"The Saturn finger", he intoned. "A sign of restrictions, also ironic ease of aboriginal government, as you know from chiromancy and the arcane arts."
 
"Oh, pleasant", said Newton.
 
"If the C.I.A. could put the genetic code to Johnny Cash's in a tiny quasi-invisible pin, there it is; each of the five Platonic solids is the same, one to one, no matter the size, the same with the cosmos."
 
"Whose madness for such crackers"? exclaimed Newton. 
 
"All's well that ends well, so the proportion, but heliocentrism not so. No, no, totally mixed up rather, as much as most to least and vice versa. So bad out of sorts, it's off the chain, insane in the membrane."
 
"You rude little man", said Newton.
 
"It touches us both," he laughed. "The web of life's a mingled yarn, good and ill together, but it would be very bad luck indeed, impossible for geometry, even for the bedeviled loss of it all, if the earth were revolving to orbit the sun."
 
Newton looked about to find again his sense of atmosphere, to conclude his way with another affect of examined composure. "If I should suffer more from imagination than from reality, that's still been enough with due measure from you, now good day". With these words he took his bags and walked away.